Fearless (Battle Born Book 12) Page 8

  Jason stopped again, but he didn’t turn this time. He stared straight ahead, jaw clenched as if he debated what to say, or if it were worth saying anything at all. “I’ll admit it,” he began after a tense pause. “I joined Solar Warden because I thought being your son would be an advantage.” He glanced at Royce, then averted his gaze as he continued, “The opposite has been true. I’ve had to work harder and perform better because my last name is Marsden. Shadow Leader isn’t the only one you’ve pissed off, Dad. I don’t even think you realize how many enemies you’ve made with your self-serving ambition.”

  He strode off down the corridor, no longer caring if Jason followed or not. “Self-serving” was he? Ambition by its nature was self-serving. The other agents were just jealous, especially the commanders. Many had wanted the Elena Marie, but Shadow Leader had given her to Royce.

  Resentment always followed success. But why had they poisoned his son’s attitude. He scoffed inwardly. The why was simple. Jason was the only way they could get at him. His son was his one vulnerability. Well, his plans for Jason would undo all the malicious gossip. Royce would set Jason up so well, he’d have no choice but to be grateful his last name was Marsden.

  They reached Jason’s quarters and Royce scanned open the door. He didn’t go inside. “Get some sleep.”

  Jason nodded and brushed past him, retreating into the cabin.

  Royce didn’t let the momentary setback demoralize him. His plans for Jason, and himself, were already in motion. Their reconciliation was only a matter of time.

  Chapter Five

  Jakkin was jarred from sleep a few hours later by Kelsey’s shrill scream. He sprang up in bed and gently shook her. “Wake up, love. You’re dreaming.”

  She thrashed wildly, lost in the nightmare, doubtlessly fueled by her memories. “No! Daniel! He’s still under there.”

  Her words were distorted by emotion, but Jakkin understood their meaning. He pulled her into his arms and rocked her, whispering into her ear. He didn’t even know what he said, anything he could think of to soothe her. She’d been so strong and confident since he met her, defiant, and not just to him. She never backed down, which made it really hard to see her so…broken.

  Her fingernails bit into his shoulders and back, and her screams turned into harsh, hollow sobs. Was that better or worse? He knew so little about this damn affliction.

  “They wouldn’t let go.” She sobbed for a moment, then more anguished words tore from her throat. “He was burning to death and they wouldn’t let me help him.”

  Wouldn’t let her run into a burning building or toward a vehicle engulfed in flames? She’d said, “he’s still under there”. What had he been under? When had this happened? “It’s over, love.” He stroked her hair and back, holding her against his chest as she cried.

  All she did was weep for a long time, the sobs hard enough to shake her shoulders. Gradually, the shudders eased and she stilled against him. He thought she’d fallen back asleep and was about to lay her down. Then she whispered, “He would have taken on a fire for me. He was the bravest man I’ve ever known.”

  He refused to feel jealous over something that tormented his mate. He only wished he knew how to permanently ease her pain. “Are you talking about Daniel?” Of course she was. Who else could she have meant? She was still in love with this human. Had he been a fellow soldier?

  “Yes.” A final sob passed through her, then she retreated, sitting beside him rather than sprawling across his chest. “It was my fourth deployment overseas. The last thing I expected was to fall in love.” She sniffed and wiped her face with the back of her hand. “But Bagdad’s a long way from home.” She glanced at him, then stared into nothingness, lost in memories. “I flew helicopters, Sea Knights and Super Stallions mostly. Daniel kept them running. We just clicked. It felt natural.”

  Jakkin stroked her hair and let her talk, but it was hard to hear the obvious affection in her tone as she remembered another male, another life. That was the key. She no longer belonged to that world. She belonged here with him. Even if she hadn’t accepted it yet.

  “My favorite bird was making this noise. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it got worse with each flight. Daniel always said taking care of little things kept him from dealing with big things, but I always pushed it.” Her lips compressed and her chin quivered as she frantically blinked back a fresh rush of tears. “Why the hell did I push it? Just one more mission, a few more clicks. I was so sure I could make it back to base. Then my oil pressure tanked, so I had to put down and radio for assistance.” She turned her head and looked into his eyes. The pain he saw in her expression nearly knocked him off the bed. “He was working on my helo when they hit us with an RPG. The blast knocked me off my feet, but…” She covered her mouth with her hands as tears spilled from her eyes, but she was silent this time, paralyzed by the horror.

  “I’m so sorry.” He touched the side of her face, thrilled when she turned into the touch rather than pulling away.

  It took her a long time to work through the emotions, so when she spoke her voice sounded hoarse. “I know I couldn’t have saved him, the fireball was instantaneous. But they wouldn’t even let me try.” She shook her head and more tears trailed down her cheeks. “I can’t get the image out of my mind.” She shuddered, then took a deep breath, clearly trying to calm herself down. “And the screaming. I heard that damn screaming for almost two years. I didn’t think it would ever stop. And now it’s back.” She sounded hopeless, lost.

  “Screaming?” He hadn’t meant to say the word out loud, but why would there have been screaming if Daniel died instantly?

  She pushed away from him, clearly annoyed by the question. “He was devoured by fire. Of course he screamed. Wouldn’t you scream?”

  Some inner instinct made Jakkin push her on the seemingly insignificant point. “You said the fireball was instantaneous.”

  “Then who was screaming?” She paled, eyes suddenly wide. She shook her head, looking confused. “Was I screaming?”

  “Of course you screamed. The man you loved was being ‘devoured by fire’. Anyone would have screamed.”

  “But…” She stared past him, lips trembling. “It had to be him. Why can’t I make it stop if I’m the one screaming?”

  He caressed her cheek with his knuckles, not sure she’d accept a more intimate touch. “The horror hasn’t ended for you, love. It won’t until you let go of the guilt.”

  She stilled and tears spilled from the corners of her eyes. “I don’t feel guilty.”

  “Oh really?”

  She finally looked at him again. “I don’t want to feel guilty,” she clarified.

  “But you do.”

  “He was there because I was too damn stubborn to admit I had a problem.” She blinked furiously. “Damn it. You’re making me cry again.”

  “You need to cry. Stop holding this shit in. It’s consuming you.” Unable to bear her obvious misery, he pulled her back into his arms. “Was Daniel forced into the military?”

  “Of course not. All military service is voluntary in the U.S.”

  “Did you coerce him into his occupation?”

  She shot him an impatient look. “He was an aircraft mechanic when I met him.”

  “Did you sabotage your helicopter so he’d come to your rescue?”

  “You know I didn’t.”

  “One last question.”

  “Thank God!” She smiled. “Let me guess. Did I fire the RPG?”

  “Bingo.” He gently touched the tip of her nose.

  She laughed. “Why do you even know that word?”

  “You’re avoiding the issue. Now say it.”

  “Say what?” she asked with feigned innocence.

  “You know what I want you to say, so get it over with.”

  She cleared her throat, then stated, “It wasn’t my fault.”

  “What wasn’t your fault,” he persisted.

  “Daniel’s death was not my fault.” Then
she took it one step farther. “I need to forgive myself, so I can stop screaming.”

  “Bingo,” he whispered and tenderly kissed her mouth.

  Desire reignited like embers stirred by a breeze, but he pulled back, unwilling to go any farther until she stopped lying to him. He eased her away and crawled out of bed, grabbing a couple of T-shirts out of his dresser. He tossed one to her, then turned his back so she could dress while he pulled on the other. It was slightly easier to ignore his aching body with her curves covered. Still, he hesitated to join her in bed.

  She tossed back the covers and patted the pad. “Get in here. I’ll behave. I promise.”

  He laughed and finger-combed his hair. “I’m not worried about you.”

  Despite his admission, he crawled back into bed and wrapped his arm around her. She snuggled against his side, hand resting on his chest.

  “If the soldier thing doesn’t work out, you should become a therapist.” She sounded drowsy and all he could see was the top of her head. “That was cathartic, to say the least.”

  He had a million questions he wanted to ask, but she needed rest, not an inquisition. “Glad I could help,” he whispered, then a bit louder. “Activate star display.” The room went completely dark for a split second, then thousands of tiny lights appeared above them, simulating a late-night sky.

  “Oh wow.” She sighed, rotating a bit so she could see the stars more easily. “That’s really beautiful.”

  “It helps me relax when I’ve had a bad day.” He gave her a little squeeze. “I think this more than qualifies.” She didn’t say anything, but she snuggled closer, so he kissed her temple and said, “Go to sleep.”

  “Yes, sir.” A few minutes later, her body relaxed and her breathing deepened.

  He stared at the star-spangled ceiling, frustrated by the looming conflict that kept this moment from feeling perfect. His scent covered his mate. That was the first step in the bonding process. Some couples started sensing each other’s emotions at this point, yet all he could think about was the lies.

  With a heavy sigh, he eased his arm out from under her and carefully crawled out of bed. He refused to join with her until she was honest with him, so he needed some space. Hopefully, it would allow him to think, sort through the possible outcomes.

  He retrieved his datapad from the floor, pulled on a pair of pants, then walked into the living room. It took him several hours to catch up on correspondence, briefings, and requests awaiting approval. The sofa was much too short for his long legs, but he managed to sleep for a couple of hours. It was still too early to bother Kelsey, so he scanned through news feeds and Earth’s social media to see if any more of Solar Warden’s twisted propaganda had been posted to the internet. In an effort to discredit the battle born, the wily humans had launched a multi-media campaign that twisted, or outright lied about, what was really going on at Lunar Nine. He found nothing new, but he killed another hour, which made it almost late enough to wake up his reluctant mate.

  As if hearing his conclusion, Kelsey appeared in the doorway leading to the bedroom. She still wore his T-shirt and her hair was loose and wild around her face. “Is it all right if I take a shower?”

  “Of course.” He tried not to notice the tantalizing shadow of her nipples beneath the soft fabric or the bare expanse of her long, toned legs. “I’ll send a runner for a clean outfit. Do you need anything else from your cabin right now?”

  “A thermos full of coffee and a buttery croissant.” Her wistful smile assured him she knew such things weren’t available on the ship. But many things could be procured when one had access to bio-streaming and runners.

  She returned to the bedroom, and the adjoining bathroom, while Jakkin paged a runner. One of the boy soldiers responded a few minutes later and Jakkin explained what he needed. The boy seemed excited to be trusted with such an important task and he was grinning from ear to ear when he departed.

  There was a bathrobe hanging near the compartment containing drying sheets. He seldom used it, but he hoped Kelsey would spot it and feel comfortable enough to put it on. If she returned wearing nothing but a towel, he wasn’t sure his frustrated body could resist her.

  Realizing he needed to complete his own preparations for the day, he cautiously entered the bedroom and retrieved a clean uniform. Kelsey was in the bathroom, but he gathered everything he’d need and went into the living room to dress.

  When Kelsey emerged wearing the bathrobe, damp hair woven into an intricate pattern down the back of her head, Jakkin was fully dressed and groomed. “Why don’t you have a seat? Breakfast should be here shortly.”

  She took several steps toward the table then stopped and faced him again. “I guess I’ll just say it. You were wonderful last night. I appreciate everything you did for me, but this doesn’t change anything. I’m not accepting your claim.”

  “I know.” He was actually relieved by her attitude. It made what he needed to do a whole lot easier.

  When the runner returned, he’d recruited a friend to help him carry everything. The helper handed Jakkin a stack of clothing and a small bundle of toiletries. Jakkin placed the items on a nearby chair, then took the large tray from the other boy. After thanking both for their efforts, Jakkin closed the door and carried the tray to the table where Kelsey sat.

  “Would you like to eat now or finish dressing?”

  Kelsey eyed the tray curiously as she said, “I don’t want it to get cold. Let’s eat.”

  Jakkin placed one of the plates in front of her, then uncovered it with a proud flourish. Scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, and flaky biscuits had been arranged with artistic precision. Lianty’s Café was becoming very popular because of their selection of human cuisine. They were also the only eatery on Lunar Nine that served coffee, another fact that contributed to their meteoric rise in popularity.

  “Did you send that poor boy all the way to Earth for this?” She sounded awed rather than angry.

  “Just to Lunar Nine,” he assured her. “One of the restaurants is now offering human food.”

  “Do I smell coffee?”

  “You do.” He turned over the mugs and filled them from the insulated carafe. “Do you take cream and sugar?” He’d spent enough time on Earth to know that coffee came in a wide variety of flavor combinations, but cream and sugar were the basics and the staff at Lianty’s Café had provided both.

  “Lots of cream, little bit of sugar.” He passed her the container of sugar packets and a miniature pitcher filled with cream. She prepared her coffee, then he handed her a napkin-wrapped bundle of eating utensils. “Thank you for this. It was very thoughtful.”

  He saw guilt in her lovely eyes now, but didn’t regret the impulse. He would not give up on claiming her unless and until she was bonded with another male. “Did you sleep well?” He sat across from her and pulled the other plate closer before he uncovered it as well.

  “I did, but I know you didn’t. Did you get any sleep at all?”

  “Rodytes don’t require as much sleep as humans, especially the battle born. We’re bred, and engineered, to endure hardship.”

  Her only response was a nod as she sampled the eggs. “This is delicious.”

  He took several bites before he agreed. They lapsed into silence as they ate. Jakkin couldn’t pretend he wasn’t upset well enough to endure small talk, but he wanted her to enjoy the meal.

  Finally, after a long silent pause, Kelsey asked, “Am I allowed to return to Lunar Nine or am I your prisoner? Again.”

  Jakkin pushed his plate aside and poured them each another cup of coffee. “That depends.”

  She looked at him, annoyance hardening her expression. “Depends on what?”

  “Are you ready to explain what you’re really doing here?”

  She rolled her eyes and pushed back from the table. “This again? I thought you’d finally grown bored with this stupid game.”

  “I slipped a nano-tracker into your wine before you left the Fearless.” She gasped, but
he didn’t give her time to reply. “I know you met with one of the enforcers moments after your arrival on Lunar Nine, and I know he has been communicating with the leader of Solar Warden.” The last was a guess, but she didn’t know that. “Are you one of Solar Warden’s agents or are you just passing them information?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. The boy who escorted me from the shuttle got turned around and I asked the enforcer for directions. It’s helpful to know you’ll never believe me no matter how honest I am with you.”

  Her delivery was perfect, just the right combination of anger and hurt. “I don’t believe you because you haven’t been honest with me since you came aboard my ship.” He could tell her about his mother and the sensitivity he’d inherited, but none of it mattered right now. She was sticking to her story, pretending to be falsely accused. “You’re a spy, mate of mine, and we both know it.”

  “You’re deluded, Commander Arvik, and we both know it.” She stood and walked to the chair where he’d left her clothes. “Thanks for breakfast. It was almost enjoyable.” Then she stormed into the bedroom without a backward glance.

  * * * * *

  Jakkin left his exasperating mate locked in his cabin and immersed himself in running his ship. His access terminal was tuned to his voice print and he took his datapad with him, so she shouldn’t be able to get into trouble. He’d have one of the runners bring her a meal tray and her datapad later, but a few hours of boredom might do her good.

  He’d managed to distract himself for several hours when Raylon requested a private com. Jakkin took the call in his office and activated privacy protocols. “What can I do for you, Governor?”

  Raylon looked grim and irritated, as he often did. “I just wanted to keep you in the loop. Has Kelsey told you anything?”

  “Of course not. I have the misfortune of being genetically compatible with the most stubborn female in Earth-space.”