Fearless (Battle Born Book 12) Read online

  Steamed vegetables and crusty bread were hiding under the other domes and she sighed. He was clearly trying to impress her and it made her feel horribly guilty. This was all so unfair to him. She was flat-out using him, while he was trying to win the affections of a mate, someone with whom he honestly hoped to spend the rest of his life.

  “You do like Italian food, don’t you?”

  “I do. It’s just…why are you doing this if you think I’m still hiding something?”

  His gaze locked with hers and grim determination reformed his expression. “I know you’re hiding something, but a friend cautioned me about leaping to conclusions. It could be that you have very good reasons for protecting your secret and whatever you’re hiding might not be a danger to me or anyone else. I was hoping we could compromise.”

  Her chest tightened and she had to consciously relax her muscles. The more reasonable he became, the more guilt consumed her. “What sort of compromise?”

  “Is my friend right? Does your secret have any effect on our future together?” He suddenly smiled and shook his head. “She also cautioned me to stop presuming you would pick me for a mate. Please let me restate my question. If you choose me as your mate, will your secret have any effect on our future together?”

  She paused to consider the question. Jakkin had the best bullshit detector she’d ever encountered, so she didn’t want to lie to him. The only way she’d choose him as her mate would be if she ended her association with Solar Warden. And if she no longer belonged to Solar Warden, the rest became null and void. “If I chose you as my mate—and that’s a massive if—my secret would be irrelevant to our future together.” She was manipulating the truth, but her words were factual.

  He took a slow drink of wine as he mulled over her answer. “Are you running from someone? Using this program as a place to hide?”

  If she let him continue with these questions, he’d ask one she couldn’t answer. It made more sense to divert his attention onto a safer topic. “Who’s been giving you advice? You said ‘she’. There aren’t that many females left on your ship.”

  His brow arched again and the smoldering heat in his gaze intensified. “Are you jealous?”

  “Curious. Was it Indigo or the female doctor who was on my interview panel? I think her name was Lily.”

  “I’ve known Lily Fontenot for years. There is not, nor has there ever been, anything romantic between us. You have nothing to worry about.”

  Oddly, she did feel sort of threatened by the pretty doctor. And she had no right to object to any of his relationships. She wasn’t his perspective mate, not really. She couldn’t play her role so well she forgot it was all pretend. “She seems nice. You said you’ve known her for years. How did you meet?”

  He filled their plates and they began to eat as he answered her question. “She helped me out of a really bad situation when one of my missions collapsed. But I don’t want to talk about Lily. I want to talk about you. I know the facts you listed in your application, your work history and education. I want to know all the things they don’t bother to ask. Tell me about your friends. How do you spend your free time?”

  She had to be careful. Shadow Leader had taken liberties with her backstory to make her more appealing to the Rodytes. Her military service had been listed, but her connection to the FBI had been omitted. According to her resume, she’d been teaching self-defense classes for the past few years. “I’m a workaholic. I don’t have a lot of friends, or free time for that matter.”

  “You find your work that rewarding?”

  “I didn’t say that.” She smiled. He was thinking about the work listed in her bio and she was thinking about Solar Warden, but her priorities could use a little tweaking either way. “I help people learn how to protect themselves. That is important, but I should probably make more time for myself. Find a hobby or somewhere to volunteer. Are you even allowed time off for anything but meals and sleeping?”

  “Technically, I’m always on duty, but threat levels and mission parameters dictate how much of my day, or night, is spent in the command center.” He indicated the table before him. “Obviously, I’m allowed leisure time when it’s appropriate.”

  “I know you took over command of the Fearless not long ago. Is this your first command?”

  “It is.” He didn’t sound pleased by the fact. “I was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to happen. I was first officer aboard the Intrepid before that.”

  The Intrepid was the hospital ship where the actual transformation procedures took place. The volunteers had learned about it during orientation, but they wouldn’t be allowed near it until they’d received final approval. “Is that how you met Kaden Lux? Indigo mentioned that you two are good friends.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve known Kaden forever. We met in training, so we must have been about fifteen. He became an officer almost immediately, of course, but I was—”

  “Why ‘of course’? I know his family has money. Is that what you mean?”

  His chest expanded and he pushed his plate aside even though he’d eaten very little. “I shouldn’t resent the Lux family. They’ve been nothing but kind to me. But wealth buys power, and power makes everything easier. Kryton Lux, Kaden’s father, was a well-respected general before he retired, so his sons were treated differently than those of us without those sorts of connections.” He poured himself more wine, then hurriedly added, “I’m not saying Kaden and Sedrik didn’t earn their positions. They’re both exceptional, but their last name opened doors and ensured that the right people took notice of their accomplishments.”

  He’d said his background was different from Kaden’s, so she wasn’t sure how much she wanted to dig. Still, if she didn’t show any interest in him, it would seem suspicious. She was supposed to be considering a life-long relationship with him, after all. “Was your mother part of your life? You’re battle born, so I know she was a Bilarrian captive. Did she return to Bilarri after your birth?”

  “She did, and my father dropped me off at a military nursery a few days later.”

  “Military nursery.” She shook her head, quickly losing her appetite too. “Those two words do not belong in the same sentence.”

  He seemed confused by her vehemence. “It’s not at all unusual. Military service is the fate for the vast majority of battle born males. Rather than each father attempting to provide for his son with extremely limited resources, the fathers pooled their credits and created a sort of cooperative.”

  She wasn’t convinced by his nonchalance. His words sounded hollow, rehearsed. “You were a boy soldier, like the one who escorted me here?” His only reply was a terse dip of his head. “Was your father involved in your life? Did he keep track of your progress to ensure your needs were met by this cooperative?”

  Tension spread across his features and his gaze became distant, shuttered. “I was fed and clothed, educated and trained in a vocation that guaranteed me a position for life. What more could my father have provided if he’d attempted to do so on his own?”

  “Affection, encouragement, tenderness.” She didn’t want to upset him, but Indigo had described the treatment of the boy soldiers. Kelsey found their lives disturbing when she was thinking about it in the abstract. Now she was applying the circumstances to Jakkin and it broke her heart. “Was there anyone in your life that made you feel wanted?”

  “I can’t change my past,” he shoved back from the table and stood, “and we started a war to ensure that things like this don’t happen in the future. What more would you have me do?”

  He sounded defensive and angry, and she couldn’t blame him for either emotion. She was forcing him to defend the system that had victimized him for years. “I’m sorry. I have no right to judge you. My life wasn’t all that different from yours.” She stood as well, feeling guilty for an entirely different reason now. She wasn’t just a fraud. She was acting like a sanctimonious bitch.

  “Were you also raised by a cooperative?” He w
alked into the living room, looking back to ensure she followed. He sat on the sofa, obviously hoping she’d join him.

  She looked at the two chairs facing the sofa, but decided not to be difficult. For a change. “Not exactly. I stayed with my mother until I was eleven, then I went into the foster care system.”

  “I’m not familiar with that term.”

  The semi-hostile attraction that shaped their interactions had been replaced with correct formality. It made her want to punch him in the arm or pull his hair, just to penetrate the frustrating civility. “Like your cooperatives, our foster care system takes care of children who have lost their parents or whose parents are incapable of taking care of them on their own. Unfortunately, when children are reared by someone other than their parents it can lead to abuse and neglect.”

  “The military cooperatives don’t abuse the children,” he objected. “In most cases they provide a much better environment for the boys than the parent or parents would be able to give them on their own. Rodyte soldiers are deployed for months, sometimes years, at a time. If their sons are enlisted in a military school, they are generally assigned to the same ship as their father. This prevents long separations and allows each father to be more involved in his son’s life than he would be if the child remained on Rodymia. That’s why the program still exists.”

  “That’s right. Capturing war brides is now against the law.” The reminder led her to another realization. “Then Lentar isn’t battle born.”

  “No. The youngest battle born son is now around thirteen.”

  “Does Lentar ever see his parents?”

  “I’m not familiar with his exact circumstances, but I know his father is part of my crew.”

  “What about his mother? How do Rodyte females fit into this picture?”

  He sighed and pushed his hand through his hair. “Rodytes are obsessed with genetic engineering, have been for generations. But for every problem our scientists solve, two more, often worse, complications arise. Our need for genetically compatible mates is one example of a genetic side effect. Our gender gap is another.”

  “There are more males than females on Rodymia?”

  “The ratio is approximately ten to one at present, but the gap widens with each generation. And Rodytes mate for life, so attracting a mate is nearly impossible without wealth and social position.”

  “Wow. None of this was in the orientation. I had no idea.”

  He shrugged, but his features were tense, expression cautious. “It’s not something we broadcast. Self-inflicted wounds are humiliating. The transformation program deals exclusively with battle born males, so the rest isn’t important.”

  “Can’t your scientists reverse whatever went wrong? Why is the gap still widening?”

  “They’ve been trying, and trying, but spontaneous mutations are infinitely harder to correct than those triggered intentionally. Nature has a way of humbling those who screw with her designs.”

  “Please don’t take offense, but it doesn’t seem like your people have learned their lessons very well.”

  Annoyance gleamed in his gaze, but his tone remained civil. “In what way?”

  “If all their genetic engineering has caused catastrophic side effects, why haven’t they stopped screwing with DNA? Doesn’t the transformation program rely on the technique?”

  He laughed and stretched his arm out across the back of the sofa. “Damn good questions. And you’re right. Rodytes are too stubborn for our own good. Abandoning all we’ve learned would be admitting defeat. Our scientific community is still convinced they can fix what went wrong and produce the perfect humanoid.”

  His gaze locked with hers and awareness arced between them like an electric pulse. Her heart fluttered and heat cascaded through her body. If humans weren’t susceptible to the pull, why did this keep happening? She licked her lips and scrambled for something to say. “If Rodyte females can’t be bothered with working-class males, how did Lentar’s father end up with a son?”

  “Our need to perpetuate our bloodline is still very much intact. Many unmated males save for years in order to access a progeny clinic. The facilities combine the male’s sperm with eggs from a donor female and ten months later the male picks up his son or daughter.”

  “But how is the baby gestated? Does Rodymia have some sort of artificial womb?”

  His brow furrowed, then a smile curved his lips. “I forget how primitive the conditions are on Earth. Yes, we’ve had artificial wombs for generations.”

  She tried not to be insulted by the comment. He hadn’t meant to sound condescending. At least, she didn’t think he had, but his attitude chaffed. If Rodymia was so superior to Earth, why were they here, begging for human assistance? “Thanks for dinner, but I think I’ll call it a night.”

  He caught her wrist as she started to rise. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”

  She tugged against his hold, but he didn’t let go. “I’m not insulted. I’m tired.”

  “So am I.” He yanked hard enough to bring her back down. She landed half beside him and half on his lap. “I’m tired of pretending to be nice when all I can think about is this.” His arms closed around her, dragging her fully onto his lap, then his mouth covered hers, ending the conversation.

  Chapter Three

  Jakkin laid Kelsey back against the arm of the sofa as his mouth sealed over hers. He wasn’t sure if Lily’s strategy had been helpful or not. All he knew was he’d wanted to kiss Kelsey ever since she walked into his cabin. She seemed less hostile than usual, relaxing into his embrace rather than struggling against it. However, he’d only begun to kiss her.

  Her legs arched over his lap and her arms loosely circled his neck. She touched his lower lip with the tip of her tongue and his entire body tensed. She was instigating a deeper kiss? This had never happened before. Their other kisses had been combative, a battle of grinding lips and dueling tongues. This was slower, more communicative. He encouraged her response with a slow sweep of his tongue and she moaned deep in her throat.

  She tasted of blood wine, aroused female, and Kelsey’s unique flavor. He’d dreamed of her taste, hungered for it with obsessive focus. Each teasing sip made him want more. He explored her mouth gently, seducing rather than pillaging. She returned the kiss with the same slow attention, her fingers pushing into his hair.

  Encouraged by her acquiescence, he stroked her neck and shoulder, slowly deepening the kiss. His hand brushed against her breast and she murmured, turning until the soft mound filled his palm. Her action thrilled him and he gently squeezed. Desire thrummed through him, urging him on, daring him to test her limits. Yet Lily’s voice whispered in the back of his mind, warning him to go slowly, not to jeopardize all the progress they’d made.

  Kelsey moved restlessly, pressing her breast against his hand. He found her nipple with his thumb and felt the peak harden beneath his touch. He wanted her naked, needed to taste as well as touch. He moved his hand to the buttons securing the front of her dress, but she caught his wrist and shook her head, separating their mouths.

  “We can’t do this.” But she sounded almost mournful, not angry. “It’s not fair to the others.”

  He growled, unable to silence the reaction. The thought of any other male touching her, kissing her, sent fury surging through his system. “Let me worry about the others. Right now you’re here with me.” He silenced her objection with his mouth, but guilt tainted his pleasure. All his life he’d resented those who used their power for selfish gain, yet he was doing exactly the same thing with Kelsey. Each female volunteer was meant to choose who would scent mark her after she’d spent time with all her suitors. If he marked her now, as he desperately wanted to do, he would make it impossible for the others to spend time with her.

  Her response was much less enthusiastic now, so he reluctantly pulled away. “You’re right.” He pushed off the sofa and stood, unable to muffle his frustrated sigh. “I’ll escort you back to your cabin. If we stay here, we both kno
w I’ll try again.”

  “That’s probably best.”

  She sounded so dejected that he looked at her, confused by her attitude. This was what she’d wanted. Why did she seem hurt by his willingness to stop? “If you’ve changed your mind—”

  “I haven’t.” She stood and smoothed down her dress, looking delightfully disheveled.

  They spoke very little as he walked her to her cabin. He kept his hands locked behind his back, not trusting himself to touch her.

  She scanned open her door, but hesitated. “Are you going to approve me or not?”

  He gritted his teeth. He hadn’t found anything conclusive to justify detaining her. He was still convinced she was hiding something important, but he had yet to find evidence to support his suspicions. She’d said her secret wasn’t dangerous, that it wouldn’t affect their future together. For some reason, he just couldn’t let it go.

  “Are you that anxious to meet your other suitors?” he said, his voice quiet yet tense.

  Her head tilted and impatience narrowed her eyes. “I can’t choose you over the others if I’ve never even met them. Now can I? Are you that insecure?”

  He clenched his fists as well as his jaw. How did she always know just what to say to infuriate him? It was a gift. “Consider yourself approved. You can depart for Lunar Nine first thing in the morning.”

  Without waiting for her reaction, he spun on the ball of his foot and hurried off down the corridor.

  Insecure? Of course he was insecure. Nothing like this ever happened to soldiers like him. If it hadn’t been for Kaden, it was unlikely he ever would have been given his own command, much less a potential mate. Males with his background didn’t attract potential mates. He could barely believe any of this was real.

  Her taste lingered in his mouth and his balls ached so badly he could hardly walk. So much for the soft and gentle approach. The night had still ended badly.

  His cabin felt empty without her in it, so he focused on what came next. He needed to prove her guilt or innocence once and for all and he’d exhausted all conventional resources. So he’d slipped a nano-tracker into her wine. He’d just about talked himself out of activating the device, until her insult restored his resolve.